I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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