why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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