Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
