You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
