using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
BRING THE BAGELS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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