and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
