are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
