Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
