I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
