I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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