I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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