It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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