We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
