I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
