What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
