There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
