chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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