I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
