once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
