i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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