Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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