so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
