hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
