kristin has been a bad kristin
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
