I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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