I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
