one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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