his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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