I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
