break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
