Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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