theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
