I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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