theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
