So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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