So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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