So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
