if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
