Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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