Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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