Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
