eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
