I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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