I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
