im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
