my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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