just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
