3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
