There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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