omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
