Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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