he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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