the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
