you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
