The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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