i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
