To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
