I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
