Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
