Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
