3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I met the friendliest cop last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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