I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
