He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
