dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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