it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
