Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
