Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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