If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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