Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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