Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
