Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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