smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
