So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
