Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
