Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

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(310): View more from California

Sorry I couldn't get my dick out

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(425): View more from Washington

got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park

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(207): View more from Maine

you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship

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(512): View more from Texas

Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.

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(415): View more from California

She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren

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