Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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