i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
