these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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