It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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