Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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