Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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