i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
