When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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