My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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